Get Rich or Die Tryin’ postscript: Fiddy’s novel


Since writing my review of Get Rich or Die Tryin’ I have been repeatedly asked about the science-fiction novels that I claimed 50 Cent had authored. Apparently you can’t get them in any high street retailers or even on Amazon. This is a shame. They are very exciting. Just to whet your respective beaks I have pasted below an excerpt from his novel ‘The Chronicles of Mecha-Fiddy’:

The party is blazing. Blay-zin. Mecha-Fiddy rolls up in his pimped-out Jetson mobile. Sweet. Saturnian hoes and Morlock bitches crowd round the glass carapace of his ride and say ‘Oo-ee Mecha-Fiddy. Mm-mm.’ ‘What does this mean Mr Mecha-Fiddy’ says his dwarven, antennaed assistant Poingbud. ‘That shit is just some shit bitches be saying in the 25th century. Don’t think on it none’ says Mecha-Fiddy. ‘Ok’ says Poingbud. ‘I been working on some rhymes for the Galactic Centennial, what with me being poet laureate of the universe and all’ says Mecha-Fiddy. ‘Oh, I’d like to hear them Mr Mecha-Fiddy’ replies Poingbud. ‘Hark at this shit then:

Ho ho hum

Boing batty-um


This shit be rife

I said rife twice

But not twife rice

Fallin’ like a comet

Bangin’ like a Plommet

‘What is a Plommet?’ asks Poingbud. ‘A Plommet is an astronomical anomaly responsible for the reversal of the earth’s poles, solar flares and bearded ladies’ glosses Fiddy. ‘Heavens you are wise’ says Poingbud. ‘Straight up bitch’ says Mecha-Fiddy.


4 Responses to “Get Rich or Die Tryin’ postscript: Fiddy’s novel”

  1. Banjo Fett Says:

    I had t’wife rice t’other night. We had it with t’chicken, which I cooked in’t t’oven. ‘Twas delicious.

  2. johnlebaptiste Says:

    Liar. You had colostomy-bag bhajis and asbestos sandwiches out of that skip behind the fairground. It was all in the Metro this morning. You ought to look after yourself better. Have some leafy greens.

  3. Banjo Fett Says:

    I’ve never been so unsalted. Peanuts to you.

  4. oldrope Says:

    Though his novels are not available in any real commercial sense (WH Smiths are surely missing out), I understand you do get a copy of one free with every faux gold chain you buy at Argos. When I went in to inquire I was disgusted to find that, although clearly cheap, the jewelry cost more that fiddy cents.
    Yours, Disgusted

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