Benny Hill to star in Brad Pitt biopic


The Agoraphobic Reviewer would like to offer its sincerest apologies for the erroneous information given in the last entry. The AR has long been one of the few bastions of accurate, reliable information, not only on the internet, but in all human affairs and dealings across the globe. This makes my balls-up all the more nauseating.

In the last entry I claimed that Brad Pitt was to star in a Benny Hill biopic. I have been informed, by Wikipedia, that in fact it is the other way round. For all of those movie fans who are still mourning the death of Pitt following an abdominal cascade three years ago, I am truly sorry. For Benny Hill who, I have learned, is still alive and enjoying compos mentis, I am sorry, truly. Let this brief bit of promotional snippetry on the film be the beginning of my repentance.

Benny Hill will play Brad Pitt in a life-story spanning from his first filmic performance in Thelma and Louise, via his thumpy period in Fight Club and Snatch and ending with his earnest, smirking role in his last film, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. This is a different sort of role for Hill, and many naysayers question whether he is capable of conveying the fierce intellect and complex personality of Pitt, who is still regarded as one of Hollywood’s foremost thinkers. Indeed, Pitt still holds the record among his acting brethren for the most number of thoughts had in a day (8). To date, Philip Seymour Hoffman has only had 5, though he claims otherwise and is undergoing extensive training in the hope of increasing his daily thought yield.

In spite of these doubts, Hill remains confident that he can do justice to Pitt. “I will keep the high-speed groping to a tasteful minimum” he stated at an impromptu press conference in the Milton Keynes Somerfield supermarket car park yesterday. “When it does appear, it will do so only to shed light on his complicated relationship with Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie and their respective tiny, brittle bums” said Hill, sticking his tongue out in a stylised expression of mock-lechery and waggling his hands as if grasping at two miniscule bottoms.

Michael Winner will direct the film. Chumbawumba will compose the score.


3 Responses to “Benny Hill to star in Brad Pitt biopic”

  1. Banjo Fett Says:

    Oh, well that sounds much more enjoyable. There just aren’t enough films about actors. Especially ones where the actor is played by a comedian.

    In fact, my ideal film would be about an actor, played by a comedian, scripted by a bus-driver and directed by a plumber.

  2. johnlebaptiste Says:

    Which actor would it be about? I always thought that Steve Gutteberg’s life would make for a fascinating biopic. The highs, the lows, the interminable middles. What a story! Wow!

  3. Banjo Fett Says:

    I think a Steve Guttenberg film could really show just how demanding some roles can be for those kind of legendary actors. The amount pressure directors put on them – you know, they’re expected to carry the whole film.

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