Bruce Campbell in verse – by Banjo Fett


I like Bruce Campbell. Here be some poetry about that:

If I were gay,

I’d be gay for Bruce Campbell.

And if I had one wish,

I would be Bruce for a day.

Bruce wears a shirt.

Its bright colours hide the hurt,

Of type-casting and near-misses.

Why don’t those big-shots take note?

Of his gritty performance in Maniac Cop.

Or the deranged slap-stick of Evil Dead.

One, two and three.

An elderly Elvis, the king of thieves.

And deleted from The Quick and the Dead.

Bruce. Say ‘workshed’.

And Bruce,

I’ll read your books. I’ll watch every episode of Burn Notice.

And I’ll never ask you about Evil Dead 4.

You could even make an album,

Of songs.

Sung in the style of William Shatner.

And I’d buy it.

Because you’re…



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14 Responses to “Bruce Campbell in verse – by Banjo Fett”

  1. johnlebaptiste Says:

    Yowzer. Banjo Fett back with a vengeance. Nice bit of poesy there, sir.

  2. oldrope Says:

    BC is the only man I know who can act with his eyes alone…

  3. oldrope Says:

    PS love the “Possibly related posts: I wish My name was Bruce”

  4. Banjo Fett Says:

    Thanks for reading. I was hoping for a Spit the Dog related post due to me putting Bob Carolgees in the tags.

    I just sent Bruce an email in the hopes that he’ll read my poem.

  5. Weasel Snout Says:

    I have a cassett tape of scout songs sung by Bob Carolgees. I got it free with Hellman’s Mayonnaise.

  6. johnlebaptiste Says:

    Did he do Ging-Gang-Goolie? Is that the one that goes ‘Hayler, oh hayler-shayler’ or is that a different one?

  7. Banjo Fett Says:

    He did a funk-pop version of ‘Don’t Go In The Scoutmaster’s Hut After Midnight’ which had an awesome bit of rapping in the middle eight.

    I didn’t know he was a mayonnaise man though, always had him down for Daddies.

  8. johnlebaptiste Says:

    What happens in the Scoutmaster’s Hut after midnight? Does he turn into a Gremlin? Or is that only if you feed him? I remember watching an educational video about it at primary school but I’ve forgotten all of the important information.

  9. Banjo Fett Says:

    I never listened past the middle eight to find out, sorry bub.

  10. johnlebaptiste Says:

    BF – I note above that you sent an email to Bruce Campbell. Did he ever reply?

  11. Banjo Fett Says:

    I emailed his web team and asked them to get Bruce to read the poem but I’ve had no reply. I still live in hope that he will reference this post in his third book.

  12. johnlebaptiste Says:

    I’m enjoying ‘If Chins Could Kill’ mightily. I wonder whether the first 2 lines may have alarmed Bruce unnecessarily though.

  13. Banjo Fett Says:

    Well I hope not. I mean, I did tone them down a bit from my first draft.

  14. johnlebaptiste Says:

    It’s equally possible that it might have wet his beak. You never know with actors.

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