Batman 3/The Dark Knight 2 SPOILER ALERT 2 part 1

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As promised, here are some more spoilers for Batman 3/The Dark Knight 2 from Christopher Nolan’s dark realistic notepad. This stuff has all been verified as 98% likely to appear in the next Batman film, so drink it down batfriends:

The batmobile should be even wider and stouter, reflecting the stout economical production values of the Nolan (i.e. my) aesthetic. Long, twig-like batmobile = flimsy, unrealistic Schumacherism. Stout-ass tank = 16 tons of verisimilitude, sir!

The interior of the batmobile should look like the inside of an egg, implying Bruce Wayne’s preoccupation with his deceased mother, his lost infancy and the fact that bats lay eggs (do they? Better check this out).

What to do about the Joker/Heath Ledger? Think Hooded Claw from Inspector Gadget. We never see the Joker’s face, only his cat-stroking hand. The cat could be called Catwoman. Sweet Fellini, is there no limit to my powers of in-jokery (NB: no).

Batman could read a poem (out loud?).

Batman could drink some Gatorade and belch powerfully.

How should I solve the Robin problem? Robin could be a sentient computer program, called R.O.B.I.N. (Robotic something Boy something something). He lives inside the Batcomputer. ‘HOLY POP-UP ALERT BATMAN. THE RIDDLER IS TRYING TO KILL ME WITH RIDDLE MALWARE! RIDDLES RE-WRITING MY SOFTWARE. TROJAN RIDDLES IN MY MIND. NOOOO’ etc..

Robin could be a bubble-boy. A deadly bubble-boy.

Batman’s ears need to be longer, at least by a foot. Ideally they would extend telescopically like periscopes, or periscopically like telescopes.

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2 Responses to “Batman 3/The Dark Knight 2 SPOILER ALERT 2 part 1”

  1. Banjo Fett Says:

    That’s good to hear, I like the Demon Seed-style Robin. Kind of distracts everyone from the whole ‘hang on, Batman has latched onto a vulnerable under-age boy and made him wear tights and little shorts’ thing.

    Still, I won’t be happy until Bats/Wayne is played by Bruce Campbell and Joker is played by Mike Patton.

  2. johnlebaptiste Says:

    He is Batman’s sidekick, so by law Batman can dress him up however he pleases. And he Pleases.

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