Evil Dead 3: Army of Darkness


Curious to unravel the vexing conundrum that is Banjo Fett, I have recently started reading his Bible, none other than ‘If Chins Could Kill’, the autobiography of Bruce Campbell. Daily I find myself slipping into the bluegrass bizarr0 world that Fett calls his home dimension. Inexplicably, I grow particularly intrigued by the third of the Evil Dead films: Army of Darkness, which follows Campbell’s character Ash back to the Middle Ages, where he resumes (or foreshadows?) his battle with a gaggle of hideous frothy demons. For the sake of consistency, and in tribute to Thomas Rowley, the fictional Medieval monk after whom the web address of this blog is named, the review is written in a sort of dullard’s approximation of Middle English. It’s short because I never listened when we did Chaucer at school. I was too busy playing spin my grouter with the dinner ladies in my mind. But weren’t we all. Here is my review:

Whan that Bruce Campbell, wyth hys mickle chin, dyd smoot the pallid hostes of deth right sorely in their grislie maws, I woot right well that I was in for to have a wilde ride. Ne wyth gunpowder ne with bombe did the good Campbell serve his fell foe, but wyth goodlie chainsaw that roareth like unto a fat hippogryff afore hys vesper-time treat.

The vellum scrole wherein that Raimi did make his mark leaveth a mote or two to be desired. With round mouth I did spake mickle ho hos and eke hyuk hyuks. The slapping of the stick filleth the maw with hyuks like unto the welkin with dew, but it filleth not the belly, like unto that base and faulse pardonour, Goodman Ginster, that offereth pasties withouten crust.

Unto it I giveth 8 out of 10.


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6 Responses to “Evil Dead 3: Army of Darkness”

  1. oldrope Says:

    Not by the hairs on MY chinny chin chin have I read such nonsense. “Hyuks” did not enter the language till much later than you imply by its use here.

  2. oldrope Says:

    Lets have a review of Kick Ass please. Since you’ve not seen it.

  3. johnlebaptiste Says:


    You shall have your review Old Rope.

  4. Banjo Fett Says:

    Didst thou not besmirch thine Re-vyewe withe ye tagges of ‘Sir Bruce Of Campe-Bell’, that His followers may Feaste their eyes ‘pon thine words?

    Prithy thee, and that, sir.

  5. johnlebaptiste Says:

    It is done. I should really go back and tag all of my other entries. I guess I’ll save it for a dark Michaelmas eve.

  6. oldrope Says:

    Yeah deffo worth tagging it for the Brushelites (as they call themselves) to be able to find. On a dull note, tagging brings in untold readers to OR’s rotton blog. The system works! And we are all the worse for it!

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