Why am I so obsessed with Dune? This poem might have the answer:


Straggly, wiggly, spice worm

Hunkering through the sherbety sands of Arrakis,

With your mouth like a fanged vulva

And your body like a lazy whale’s penis

You are ribbed for no-one’s pleasure.

How do spice worms mate?

Do they coil like sweetbreads in a sugary lattice?

Do they get into bed like regular folks?

Do they take their socks off?

What is the policy regarding human spectators?


I am surrounded by losers with silly names:

Shadout Mapes, Gurney Halleck, The Beast Rabban,

Dr Wellington Yueh, Padishah Emperor Shaddam IV

Why don’t people call their kids things like Bill anymore?

Just for once I’d like to leave all of this hideousness

And watch two spice worms bone each other

Against the lightning forks of midnight,

Two meaty colossi humping for the fate of the galaxy

And the entertainment of grubby little me.


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8 Responses to “Dune”

  1. oldrope Says:

    Have you not covered Dune already? What does sweetbread taste like? And third and finally, Vagina Dentata is a cool tag.

  2. johnlebaptiste Says:

    I don’t think I have covered Dune before. It’s hard to keep track. I did review Spice World which is very similar. And I reference it in every other review.

    I’m told sweetbread tastes like pineapples and death.

    Vagina Dentata is a way of life.

  3. oldrope Says:

    Well, I can picture the death… but pineapples…? Just not seeing it sorry.

    AS for Dune, did Bowie play Scary Spice?

  4. Banjo Fett Says:

    Dune to me is summed up with the image of Sting in his pants, waving a knife about and shrieking, “I will kill ‘im!”

    Isn’t Vagina Dentata a song from Disney’s The Lion King?

  5. johnlebaptiste Says:

    It means no worries for the rest of your days
    Vagina Dentata
    No cervical smears for the rest of your days
    Vagina Dentata
    No overweening perverts for the rest of your days
    Vagina Dentata
    But it does mean you’ll spend more on floss.

  6. Banjo Fett Says:

    Sweetbreads in a sugary lattice is only 89p in Greggs now.

  7. oldrope Says:

    Good lord! Fett! That’s very rude and a little too blue for even this blog

  8. Banjo Fett Says:

    Sorry. I should have had the decency to censor the word ‘Gr**gs’.

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