Omar Sharif, Beard of Beef


Avid AR readers will know that chief Agoraphobe John Le Baptiste likened my analogue avatar to that of a ‘Bearded Omar Sharif’. That statement inspired a brief strangeness resulting in the ditty below. Incidentally, in 1969 Sharif starred as the legendary Argentinian revolutionary Che, sporting nothing less than an impressive growth of facial fungus. (For more information on beards go here and here)

The film is reportedly so bad that molotov cocktails were thrown at cinema screens in Argentina and Cuba. In true AR fashion I’ve not seen it.

Omar Sharif, Beard of Beef

Bearded Omar, Bearded Omar!
Omar, Omar, Sharif, Sharif,
Sharif, Sharoof,
Beardy BOOF!

Shomar Baromar,
Bromar Baroof,
Shomar Shareef?
Got a beard of beef.

Beefy teef,
Omar’s beefy toof,
Beaf on croot,
Got a beety toot.

Buddhist: “Ommmmmmm.”

Pirate: “Aaaarrrrrrr.”

Librarian: “Shhh.”

Snorkler: “A reef!”



Brewer: “Beer!”

Twitcher: “Dove!”

Butcher: “Beef!”


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

21 Responses to “Omar Sharif, Beard of Beef”

  1. johnlebaptiste Says:


  2. Nobody Says:

    Lucy Liu: “Ecks!”

    Biologist: “Cell.”

    Pope: “Lent!”

  3. pariahrustbucket Says:

    Disturbing stuff.

    As an addition to the beard-arsenal (which sounds frankly wrong now I read it back):

  4. johnlebaptiste Says:

    Waiter: “Soup”
    Jamaican homeopathologist: “‘Erb”

  5. oldrope Says:

    AR, or WP, or whoever is in charge of the wretched internet. I wihs it would somehow say which of your many workerbees is writing at any given time. I mean, I stared long and hard at the picture of Pariah Rustbucket but could see no beard. I realised after only 3 hours that this is because of his big hat, but for godsakes man, I later realised it was probably Fett speaking. Since they have to pick his hair out of the tap water as far south as Dronfield!

  6. oldrope Says:

    Plus cant believe that the tag “Meatbeard” only has one listing across the whole of Word Press!

  7. Banjo Fett Says:

    I have looked into getting WordPress to display the author name with each post but it seems to require a level of coding wizardry that leaves me cold.

    Perhaps the meatbeard tags will attract new interest in the past-time of wearing meat.

  8. johnlebaptiste Says:

    “Dirty little piggies for Little Boy Keith
    A sausage moustache and a beard made of meat
    When the Fun is over, piggies start to cry
    Little Boy Keith has a dirty piggy pie.”

    ‘Beard of Meat’, The Mason-Dixon Line Power Grab

    Re: author names, it might be a question of changing the theme. I’ll look into it.

  9. johnlebaptiste Says:

    It is done chums. You can see the authors now. Hope the new theme is alright with everyone.

  10. Banjo Fett Says:

    Yes, excellent stuff, although the header image looks a little pixellated.

    I believe the line is ‘A sausage moustache and a beard made of beef’ due to ‘beef’ being a perfect rhyme with ‘Keith’. Little Boy Keith, now there’s a nom de plume.

  11. johnlebaptiste Says:

    Hmm. Yes. It is a bit pixelly. Old Rope kindly fixed me up with that header, but I suppose he won’t have access to his re-pixellator in Argentina, will he…?

    That’s right: Keith/beef. Keithy beefbread. Jerky Keith Beefbosoms. Old Keithkeith. Good ol’ Beefykeithteats with his medium rare jugs.

  12. Banjo Fett Says:

    Keith En Croute… Keith Rendang… Keith Wellington… Keith Carpaccio… Keith Stroganoff… Keith Burguignon.

    Some notable Keiths there.

  13. spicyeggnog Says:

    Quit your pixelatin’ JLB and grow a pair!

  14. oldrope Says:

    I happen to be close personal friends with Keith and he finds it heartbreaking when people so carelessly poke fun at his meatier features. Have a heart chaps.

    As for the pixelation, JLB is well known for such wanton behaviour. Pixilation is best left to professionals and Japanese porn films Bappy, as you well know. AS for a remedy, you´ll be pleased to know I smuggled such a machine into the country and can indeed fix it. And now that I have slept my way to the upper echelons of Thomas Rowley´s publishing house I can do it myself without need of middle men.

    JLB, I´ll get on it once I am back in Argentina tomorrow and seek your approval. Perhaps tAR needs something new for this new theme… YOU the rabble can speak your forts….. now!

  15. johnlebaptiste Says:

    Thanks the Rope. I’ll see if I can find an appropriate picture now. BF, SE, PR: if you’ve got any, send them my way!

  16. Banjo Fett Says:

    I think a hand-drawn picture of an angry pregnant woman scratching her bum would make a fine AR logo.

  17. johnlebaptiste Says:

    Hyuk. I don’t want to make said angry woman angrier. Plus I don’t have a scanner.

  18. johnlebaptiste Says:

    I’ve just dug up a sweet little gif from Cronenberg’s Naked Lunch that should do the trick. It reflects the Mugwumpy sensibility that binds all of the AR contributors together like atrophied, needle-pocked tendrils. Hopefully young Old Rope should be able to knock up something nice with it.

  19. Banjo Fett Says:

    Unless he knocks up something nice in Argentina and gets chased through the Pampas by a gang of machete-wielding Gauchos.

  20. johnlebaptiste Says:

    You know what they say:
    Gaucho Tiger, Hidden Gringo

    There’s a gringo in my pocket, buenas dias
    There’s a gringo in my pocket, buenas dias
    There’s a gringo in my pocket,
    Gringo in my pocket,
    Gringo in my pocket,
    Gringo in my pocket, buenas dias

  21. “It’s all about the Bogans” « Fiskepudding Chronicles Says:

    […] Fiskepudding Chronicles has been quite of late – I no longer have a laptop of my own but I aim to resolve this soon. My immediate priority however is still secuirng my own flat – it is very much a landlord’s market here and they have complete power over potential tenants. Buying a house is much more economic here, not just in terms of lower monthly payments but the massive tax breaks granted too. Nonetheless, spice fans can viddy my exploits on the Agrophobic reviewer. Cast your eyes also on the contirbution of Banjo Fett’s arabic rhymes. […]

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