Mulan is an unconventional film, in the sense that it does not have any real people in it. Though it has moving pictures much like any other movie, these pictures are drawn rather than captured using magic boxes. It’s lack of people, however, is matched blow for blow by my lack of authority, for I have not seen this film. Here is a brief review.

Set in ancient China, the story concerns the eponymous hero, a strapping butch young man with long curling blonde locks and chest hair that would make a pornstar weep with jealousy. After being visited by the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future, Mulan goes to war to avenge his father’s death, riding his mighty steed, a powerful dragon voiced by the always versatile Eddie Murphy.


Along the way Mulan fights and slays many foes and gets his end away virtually every night. Some would say this is not so much of a film as a macho wet dream. In truth the film ruminates on the nature of war, manhood, sexuality and brotherhood in a time of virulent feminist hegemony. As such it would not be possible to condone the overall message of the piece in the context of today’s more enlightened social climate. It is worth placing the narrative in context, however, remembering that the story was written by one of Britain’s most prized playwrights, Walter Disney, at a time when such views were considered more acceptable. Plus the drawings are nice and pretty too.

I give it an un-PC five spring rolls.


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4 Responses to “Mulan”

  1. johnlebaptiste Says:

    Another powerful muffin of a review from Mr Rope. I love it.

    Mulan’s got a sweet little bob hairdo and a nice feathered fringe. But why is he wearing a boob tube?

  2. oldrope Says:

    Licked if I know old bean. And he appears to be stretching that grey condom too tight. It’s not a rubber balloon Mulie mate! You’ll tear the blighter at that rate, then you’ll have to go to the clinic again a) to pretend to be an oversexed ill-educated teenager and get some free rubbers and b) cos you’ll almost certainly catch the clap through that now hole-y sheath

  3. The Filth and The Fury « Old Rope Says:

    […] further two articles on the Agoraphobic Reviewer. The first for Disney’s macho swashbuckler, Mulan and the second for historical docu-drama Furia de Titanes (or” Clash of the Titans” to […]

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