Jailhouse Rock


I’ve not seen any of the innumerable Elvis Presley films. I prefer Howlin’ Wolf. Anyway, here’s a poem about what (presumably) happens in Presley’s penal film, ‘Jailhouse Rock’.

Elvis Presley in 'Jailhouse Rock'


Elvis hit Alcatraz like a juggernaut of buggery

Rumping his way through the fields of felony:

Jump-suited, slobbering and masterful;

Savage, blubberous and terrible.


Before twilight fell across the exercise yard

Where you see the sea-beams glint between stir and civilisation

Like the insubstantial but dazzling hopes of

A thousand leathery old lags on life without parole,

A million sequins lay bent and winking on the asphalt,

Blinking out a semaphore of sodomy

Where they fell from Presley’s rutting trunk

As he harrowed and hogroasted a hapless punk.


Had his stable of bitches

Been a stable of horses

He might have kept

The French in steak for a decade.

His butterfingers caused

The warden of Alcatraz

To blow a year’s budget on soap.

His whiskers were oily with chicken fat

His mouth was greasy with hubris.


And at the splintered woodwork

The screws they speechlessly stare,

For when Elvis couldn’t find a partner

He used a wooden chair.


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5 Responses to “Jailhouse Rock”

  1. dangerousmeredith Says:

    luffly! why don’t you set it to an Elvis type rockabilly tune?

  2. johnlebaptiste Says:

    I did, and I was thrown out of the swimming pool before I’d even got to the third verse!

  3. dangerousmeredith Says:

    pity. The acoustics must have been amazing

  4. Heris Salek Says:

    I love Elvis but not when he is fatjj

  5. johnlebaptiste Says:

    ‘Spose so.

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