Streetdance 3D

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Ultimately, all living things must die. Time is infinite, possibilities are limitless and man is but an atom, attached to a louse on God’s fanny. Here’s a review of Streetdance 3D.

The musical genre has oft baffled cultural critics; seemingly meaningless and superficial, musical cinema explores (on the surface) themes of the adolescent journey and the eternal struggle of man to assert his identity through the media of song and dance.

Dance troupe Diversity perform the film's centrepiece: the Swiss Cottage Swagger

Streetdance 3D (or ‘Stree-Dee Dee-Dee-Dee’ as it has become known among Britain’s disaffected youth) explores these themes only as a nod to its trailblazing forbears: Wizardy Foz, Sound of Mu-Ha, Chic-a-gogo, Cabarum and Greasies are subtly referenced throughout the film. Most notably, in the scene where N-Dubz set off to score some crack, skipping as they go. Tilting his top hat to a jaunty angle, the group’s lead soprano Dappy proclaims: “Why, dis be just like dat film wid dat wizard ‘n’ shit.”

As with Bertolucci’s Last Tango in Paris, sexuality and identity are inextricably linked by physicality in Streetdance 3D. The simple popping of a collar, a carefully executed Hackney Hunker, or an extravagant Grange Park Power Grab can be read as an attempt by the protagonists to stamp their mark, not only on the screen, but on life itself. STEP-STEP-GRAB! I AM ME! WATCH ME SHUFFLE GAILY! IN 3D!

Streetdance 3D‘s true strength lies in its highly original plot. Using dance as their springboard, the proletariat rise up against their square oppressors, fusing street styles with ballet, Fortis Green Foxtrots with Gunnersbury Goose-steps. Of course, the state doesn’t like this desecration of traditional styles and massacres the entire dance school in a finale reminiscent of Tiananman Square and stuff.

To some, Streetdance 3D will be ‘just another dance movie’. To them I say this: “STEP! TWO-THREE-FOUR AND KICK! TWO-THREE-FOUR NOW SLIDE! TWO-THREE-FOUR AND JAZZ-HANDS!!”

In 3D.

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4 Responses to “Streetdance 3D”

  1. johnlebaptiste Says:

    I heard Rudolph Nureyev died as a result of reckless Hackney Hunkering.

    Greasies. Hyuk!

    Another power-grab of a review Sir Fett!

  2. Banjo Fett Says:

    Would not surprise me at all, JLB. Nureyev was a bugger for the Hackney Hunker.

    Interestingly, while searching for a legendary lost pamphlet on the dark art of forgotten power grabs, I found this piece of paranoid bum-foolery: http://www.amazon.com/Power-Grab-Policies-Freedom-Bankrupt/dp/1596985992

  3. johnlebaptiste Says:

    Why do they hate the Power-Grab? The Power-Grab is a beautiful thing. I must admit, however, a double power-grab can sometimes be a bit much. Take this pic for instance:

  4. Banjo Fett Says:

    Erk! Looks like the ‘Loaf’s overdone it there. If you’re going to attempt the double grab you need to be able to handle the resultant power. Foolish ‘Loaf.

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