Natural Born Killers

by

What is all the fuss about ‘Natural Born Killers’? Presumably this:

Malefactors

A Gentleman Shoemaker (Robert Downey Jr) was Today subjected to an Affront to His Person. The OUTRAGE took Place at 11am between The Strand and Stringy Lane. As the Shoemaker was plying his Wares in the Cabbage-strewn Thoroughfare, an UPRIGHT BEGGAR (Woody Harrelson) and his DOXY (Juliette Lewis) harangued Him with IMPERTINENT speech. The DOXY, described by One Onlooker (Sidney Poitier) as a ‘Lewd SLATTERN in disordered Petticoats’, demanded THREE Espadrilles of the Shoemaker in a Voice ‘Cacophonous and Hoarse, evoking THE SQUEALING of a Litter of Piglets’. The Shoemaker replied THAT his Espadrilles could only BE bought in Pairs, whereupon the UPRIGHT BEGGAR did a blasphemous DANCE with His Elbows that caused a Near-by AlderMan (Dirk Benedict) to PUFF and drop His Snuffbox. ‘But I wants free of ’em’ said the DOXY and then tugged the SHOEMAKER’S Wig (Tom Cruise), causing It to rest on his Pate in an ungainly and ASYMMETRICAL fashion.

The Malefactors were later APPREHENDED and HANGED.

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7 Responses to “Natural Born Killers”

  1. oldrope Says:

    Bloody tabloids

  2. johnlebaptiste Says:

    Yeah, flipping ‘bloids.

  3. oldrope Says:

    fupping tabs

  4. johnlebaptiste Says:

    Oh those ruddy tablos. Those infernal tablos. I don’t know.

  5. oldrope Says:

    Shitting ‘oidies

  6. johnlebaptiste Says:

    Cocking T-Loids! NNnnnnggggghhh.

  7. oldrope Says:

    Frikkin blo’s

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