Dirty Dancing


Being an OCD sufferer, I have studiously avoided watching the film ‘Dirty Dancing’. I like my choreography germ-free. Here is a poem about Dirty Dancing.

Always use this before dancing


With pirouette dainty and pliet tight

He squelched his way into the ballroom light

His colostomy bag swinging majestically

So pendulous, so pendant, so testicley.

This cumberbund is the same strip of ermine silk

His great-grandfather used to go graverobbing in.

That bow-tie was once digested by a Great Dane.

The bow-tie was salvageable

But sadly the hound

Had to be put down.

His armpits blossom with fungus.

His breath smells of Chernobyl.


Ah! Here comes his enchanting partner.

See how her hair flutters and flickers,

See the discolouration in her knickers,

See the cornflakes in her beard

See the tripe beneath her fingernails

See the grace in her step.


Let’s dance, my love, in unhygienic fashion,

Two mucky pigs in the pigsty of passion.


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2 Responses to “Dirty Dancing”

  1. slpmartin Says:

    Oh my what an image you create here of the couple…thanks for sharing your poem.

  2. oldrope Says:

    Hey baby, are you asking, cos I’m dancing. THis shit makes me wanna boogie in a muddy bog!!

    Love the bit about the dog

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