Judge Dredd


Apparently they are making another Judge Dredd film. Why not? The last Judge Dredd film was such an unmitigated success it would be churlish not to pump another version out. This poem might be about the last version, or the new one, or maybe the comic. I wouldn’t know; I haven’t seen/read any of them (thanks to boingboing.net for the image).

Sylvester Stallone in Judge Dredd


The Grark fragged off a grafted lawgiver

Right in Dredd’s judicial fizzog.

Dredd got real mad.

Dredd growled “I am the law, by Grud”

But the Grark shot off on a gimpfloat.

“Drokk” squeaked the Grark,

Receding into the orange twilight

Of Mega-City One.

Dredd got real madder.

Not so real madder that he showed his face


Not so real madder that he actually

Took the unprecedented step

Of taking off his helmet

And actually showing his face.


But had he showed his face

It wouldn’t have looked anything

Like Stallone’s meatfragging mutie’s mug,

You understand?


Dredd’s face is all chin.

If you remove his hard-ass helmet,

Like a trembly sex-change surgeon

In a jacked-out meatwagon

Lopping off the tip of

A superfluous fragstick,

You will see two stubbled chins

Where his eyes should be.

Instead of nostrils,

You will see two perforated chins,

Just south of his chin-eyes,

Snorting up the pungent bouquets of

The post-apocalyptic evening breeze.


Instead of a mouth,

Dredd has a concave chin

(Judges don’t need to eat.

They subsist on justice

And perpmeat).


Who would win in a chin-off

Between Dredd

And Bruce Campbell?

Drokk, buddy.

Y’got me.


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3 Responses to “Judge Dredd”

  1. oldrope Says:

    Who is going to play Dredd? I Hope it’s Maggie Gyllenhaal – my second favourite Gyllenhaal!

    Did they not make him something of a hero in the last film? Was he not just Rambo / Rocky with a bucket on his head?

    The point of the comics, as I recall, is that he is an unmitiaged jism, the stories seek to satirise the totalitarian state and ideas of justice. Not that I have seen or read them nor nuffink.

  2. johnlebaptiste Says:

    Mmmm. No, I’m pretty sure the point of the original comic was boffing Grarks in their drokkholes.

    From what I can gather though, the fans often exaggerate the satirical aspects of it. I think Rambo with a bucket on his head isn’t a million miles off what he did in the comics too. Obviously I say this without having read any of them.

  3. mike Says:

    read the comics oldrope they spoof on everybody and anything. there frakking great.

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