Whitaker and bereted colleague as Bird and Diz.

‘Bird’ is a Clint Eastwood film about the jazzy genius Charlie Parker, starring Forest Whitaker as the titular hornsman. Naturally, I haven’t seen it. Here is a poem about it:


Bebop bustard,

With your experimental eggs

And your beak wet with worm-blood

And heroin,


How can I scat with you?

Squeep ber squeep?

How can I keep

Up to the steep beep

Of your deep

Horn? I lie in a heap

Below the birdsong of morn.

My poems are also somewhat childish.


The Man tried to clip your wings

But you blew a hotheaded hoot

Into his ridiculous beakless face

And then, as is the wont of your species,

Did a flying shit on his head.


And now Forest Whitaker

Is playing you.

Some say Forest only got

The job because he is named

After a place where birds live.

But if that were true,

Why didn’t they give the role

To Aviary Brooks (who played

Captain Sisko in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine,

The beakiest of all the Trek franchises.

My favourite episode was when the shape-shifter,

Odo, turned himself into a massive puffin

And killed a huge Romulan kingfisher)?


I give this film

(though I didn’t watch it)

7 quavers

And half a crotchet.


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