Bugsy Malone


For a bunch of lawless infants they sure is well dressed

I haven’t seen Bugsy Malone and by God I never shall. Or have I/will I? Here’s what I imagine the film is all about: 

Today Dandy Dan, Fat Sam and Bugsy came to tea and Dandy Dan put a bogey on Fat Sam and Fat Sam cried. Bugsy said he was the tallest boy in his class but he isn’t. Fat Sam drew a picture of his dog Bonker it had five legs it looked stupid. It’s not a leg it’s a tail he said but we said leg leg leg and he said tail tail tail until he started crying again. What a baby. Fat Sam sat in the den and wouldn’t come out so Dandy Dan said let’s make a new den that Fat Sam can’t come in and Fat Sam heard him say this and ran out of the den like a fat rabbit and he said it’s my den too but Dandy Dan said no it’s not. Fat Sam gripped Dandy Dan’s cheeks and Dandy Dan screamed. Mum came out and said play nice boys or you’ll have to go home. They stopped fighting then Bugsy said I know a new game and we all stopped and listened and Bugsy said it’s called the moonshining liquor game and he sang a little song about it like this:

The prohibitionists have got us in a squeeze boys

But I gots an idea so listen to me please boys

Let’s brew us up some devil water and open a speakeasy

With an entrance so labyrinthine it coulda been drawn by Piranesi

He’s an old Italian artist, don’t fret your dumb-bum noodles

Just thinka the money boys, we’ll be making oodles

All we gotta do is learn about the fermentation process

It can’t be too difficult, what do you boys supposes.

Then Bugsy did a little dance. It was strange. Mum wouldn’t let Bugsy come round to our house anymore after that and Fat Sam trembled and whimpered whenever Bugsy tried to talk to him.


Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

2 Responses to “Bugsy Malone”

  1. pariahrustbucket Says:

    Intriguing in its rhyme of ‘speakeasy’ with ‘Piranesi’.

    I’m ashamed to admit I only know of Piranesi from De Quincey’s Confessions of an English Opium Eater, in which he is seen climbing an interminable staircase within De Quincey’s tormented imaginations. An excellent work.

    I saw this film when I was but a young ‘un myself, and distinctly remember hating it.

  2. johnlebaptiste Says:

    That was probably where I first encountered old ‘nesi myself. But didn’t you like the bit in Bugsy Malone when the gang boss said
    “Feed the boids, Floyd”,
    then someone said “Haven’t you hoid, Floyd’s dead boss”
    so the boss said “Was it moider?”
    so someone said “No, the boids fed on him”

    I liked that bit.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: