My Name is Joe


If it weren’t for Ken Loach none of us would know what reality looks like. That’s a fact, fact-fans. Here is the opening voiceover to his (presumably) realistic social-realist film, ‘My Name is Joe’:

Follow me, gentle viewers, through the fizzing membrane of your teleportal to a twilit realm that I have named Proleworld. Make sure you pack woollen-wear and health-restoring flapjacks, for this is an untamed and inhospitable landscape, from which many never return.

And now as we secrete ourselves by the greasy windows of a sub-Tweedian cavern in the heart of Proleworld, known to natives as ‘The Glasgow Unemployment Office’, let us gaze in and marvel at the anthropological wonders now taking place…

See the tense crisp-fed jaw of the mother-prole honk out a cacophony of indignant vernacular noises. See the appointed elder, steadfast behind a gleaming Perspex shield, parry her prating with a Government incantation. The warrior, whose charge it is to maintain the dignity and solemnity of the Glasgow Unemployment Office, turns the awful oleaginous splendour of his white tumescent gut towards her as if to say ‘Fishwife: desist’. The bones of his former foes are stuffed in his capacious navel. His piglet eyeballs squeal curly-tailed murder.  Mother-prole effects a retreat. This is just another hard-luck tale from the Mean Streets of Proleworld.


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3 Responses to “My Name is Joe”

  1. oldrope Says:

    I would like to see Richard Curtis make the biopic of Loach’s life. Starring Hugh Grant as Ken. And I’d like to see Loach make the story of uhm, Curtis’ life. Starring the dead Pete Postlethwaite as Richard

  2. spicyeggnog Says:

    Arrrgh! I accidentally “liked” this post. Now I need a shower. Unclean! Boo-hoo….

  3. johnlebaptiste Says:

    SE: You love it, you reprobate.

    OR: I’d like Richard Curtis to make a film about the last 30 years of British politics using taxidermied tapeworms. Not for satirical reasons, but simply because my two favourite things are the freeview BBC Parliament channel and gastrointestinal parasites. Worra way to combine the two, eh fellas?

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