Superheroes and Advertisements

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Half-Price Sale on Dumplings at M&S

Advertising and comic-book superheroes have always gone hand in hand. But imagine what the advertising would look like in a world populated exclusively by superheroes. You know, like the one in that film “Superworld”. Now imagine you are travelling down a highway in Superworld, looking at all of the billboards, like a freckle-cheeked, travel-sick little boy in small blue shorts, peering out of the back window of his parents’ car, while they reproach each other monstrously in the front seats. Here is what you, i.e. poor little freckle-cheeks, might see:

A dogfood billboard advertisement. Thor has rabbit’s liver on his Nordic chin. “If it’s good enough for a god it’s good enough for your dog”.

This confuses the dyslexic superheroes.

Another billboard. The X-Men are in their underwear. Professor X kicks back in a chrome bathchair, aiming his jockstrap at the viewer, giving the psychic come-on to the brief-buying demographic.

Another billboard. Superman sucks on a red-Kryptonite cigarette, letting the misty vapours of meteor-induced moral ambivalence weasel up and all around his curious kiss-curl, like a sexy, curly weasel.

‘Wonder-Woman says “Drink mead from the teat of the sun”’

‘The Fantastic Four relax with a “Round-Eyes Plump-Crust Pizza Oval”’

‘Daredevil dares to use “No-Blobs Happy Tiles Roof Sealant”. Do you?’

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4 Responses to “Superheroes and Advertisements”

  1. oldrope Says:

    Bliss was it in that dawn to be alive. I wish I lived there. “Captain Boomerang always comes back to Anusol!”

    Incidentally, Captain Boomerang IS real. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captain_Boomerang

    Incidentally two: I have that comic on the Wikipedia page. I just found it going through a box of old shit, though I have no memory of it (the comic, not wading through the box of old shit. I remember that, I liderally just did it). Since he is obviously such a super cool superhero I will now attempt to sell said comic for US$1,000,000 on ebay. Wish me luck, Boomerangers!

  2. johnlebaptiste Says:

    No no no no no no no no. You’re getting him nixed up with Captain ‘Boo’ Meringue, the dessert-loving villain who liked to surprise people.

    Captain Boomerang always comes back to Anusol. Snicker snicker.

  3. spicyeggnog Says:

    I drank mead from the teat of the sun today.

    I burnt my forehead again.

  4. johnlebaptiste Says:

    Well that would explain the acute gingeration. SNORP!

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