Pokemon: The Movie

by

Sad Yukio is shunned by his peers. Why? His regulation rucksack sits like an obedient cuboid upon his unbending plank of a spine. The other children like their satchels saggy and their spines curvilinear. Therefore Sad Yukio must be banished from their boyish communion like the tight perpendicular pansy he, alas, on first inspection, appears to be.

Is there a society, club or federation that will welcome Sad Yukio into its fold? Must he stand a perennial outsider, hovering like a beggar – albeit one sporting clean bright underpants – on the fringes of the infantine feast? Who will claim Sad Yukio as their own?

The Fraternity of Pokemon Breeders, Trainers and Affiliated Representatives (PBTAAR), that’s who. For who needs friends when you can be a member of one of the most exclusive, exciting and imaginary organisations in the world?

No-one.

Here are some fun Pokemon facts that Sad Yukio learned via his Pokemon Fun Fact FiloFax:

– A Pokemon is bonded to its master by a blood oath and by an unspecified, ritualised act of intimacy.

– The plural form of Pokemon is Pokemen.

– The most famous Pokemon in the world is Linford Christie

– Pokemen come in all shapes and sizes. Some are globular and viscous like frogspawn, others look like nan-nans, but with nasty skin conditions.

– Walt Whitman once wrote a poem about a Pokemon. Here is an extract:

                I’ve felt its tongue and tooth

                I’ve felt its velvet pelt

                And I SING the POKEMON, right?

– Here is a picture of Sad Yukio’s Pokemon, which is called ‘Cranking Pob’:

Cranking Pob: a Pokemon

Cranking Pob: a Pokemon

– Here is a picture of another Pokemon, called ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’:

Sonic the Hedgehog: another Pokemon

Sonic the Hedgehog: another Pokemon

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2 Responses to “Pokemon: The Movie”

  1. oldrope Says:

    It’s spelled PACMAN u fukkin idyut, not pokemon or watevr, hahaha etc

  2. johnlebaptiste Says:

    Grork! Another heinous act of cultural insensitivity on the part of the Agoraphobic Reviewer. What a blot on the big, sweaty, creepy face of humanity this blog is.

    Speaking of big, sweaty, creepy faces, where’ve you been hiding your mug these last few months Ropey?

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