Of course I’ve never seen Point Break. What is Point Break?
Here is my review of Point Break:
K Reeves is a beautiful law-droid with a 2-second delay. “You’ve got that kamikaze look in your face again” says L Petty, his hard-bitten love-boglin. Yet the audience must take her word for it, for the nuanced motions of K Reeves’ face are imperceptible to the ordinary viewer. What seems to be a sequence of facial expressions on K Reeves’ face is in fact K Bigelow shooting his impassive flesh-edifice from a number of different angles in quick succession.
P Swayze is a salty old surf-parson with a neat line in lifestyle koans. Like the bone-wielding monkey at the start of 2000: A Space Odyssey, P Swayze is regarded as somewhat of an evolutionary prodigy by his contemporaries, who spend much of the film picking fleas out of their own anuses and gurning while P Swayze does his Hamlet-in-a-wetsuit routine.
Whooosh. P Swayze rides his spicy plank up a hard bank of spume.
Crasssshhh. K Reeves drives his whizz-board down a tight bright tube of brine.
Point Break could have been a profoundly homoerotic film, had the responsible hand of K Bigelow not been at the helm. Whenever the bonhomie between P Swayze and K Reeves gets a little too convivial, the narrative is punctuated with a solemn bout of heteronormative front-bumping, or a ‘Time-Out’ as it was referred to on set.
The film ends with K Reeves and P Swayze grappling ecstatically in a giant vat full of seeds. ‘We’re just angry sperms in the nutsack of Buddha’ shouts P Swayze, confusingly, as the film draws to a close.
I give it four out of ten.