Posts Tagged ‘Sam Worthington’

Furia de Titanes

April 13, 2010

Financed and produced entirely in Latin America, this new epic saga from French director Louis Leterrier makes the unusual decision to focus on Ancient Greece. Devotees of that cruel mistress History, however, need not fear, for the film is historically accurate and what’s more is a thoroughly gripping yarn to boot.

El Krakeno, played by Tony Hart's Morph in 1981

Attempting to cover the full plethora of Greek mythology (mythology is the same as history, right?) would be a foolhardy and impossible task and only a mad Frenchman with a budget of $125million would be crazy enough to try. Which is handy. Indeed Leterrier achieves just that, covering every single episode found within Hans Christian Anderson’s Greek Myths and Other True Stories and a few more tall tales that no one knew about an’ all.

All good documentaries need a hero and Furia de Titanes has them in spades. There is none more heroic , however, than Ricardo Miguel Perseuso, played by Sam Worthington  –  a man with a name so unbefitting of Hollywood it is a wonder he wasn’t physically drummed out of the Actors Guild by a bunch of thespians brandishing a Big Book of Names.

Sam Worthington on set of Furia de Titanes

For reasons that are never properly explained in the film (perchance they are lost in the mists of time) Perseuso has to travel around fighting monsters in a dress. Since he has to cover large distances his mode of transportation is a bus. That is until he runs into Pegasus the flying horse, voiced here by Liam Neeson. Pegasus serves not only as a more equestrian alternative to the vengabus employed by Perseuso previously, but he also provides the comic relief in what is otherwise a heavy and blood-encrusted thriller. This is in no small part thanks to the talents of Neeson, who infamously cut his chops on the stand up circuit of Lima, Peru. It was here that he acquired his now famous Latino accent that has made him so much cash and bagged him so much gringo tang.

Ralph Fiennes has the somewhat daunting task of playing all the women in the film (in a stylistic nod to the custom of the time), but it is one which he hurls himself into with such vigour that this scribe quite forgot that twixt her silky legs, Hera was in fact in possession of a titan of her own.

Jason Flemyng turns in a decent enough performance as Jose Hernandez, king of the gods and he is amiably supported by Danny Huston as Jose Maria Moreno, god of the sea; Leonard Nimoy as all of the Roman gods (about the only time the celluloid version differs from the Greek original); and finally a nice pair of trousers, which phones in a performance as Hades, god of the underworld.

All the usual suspects are also present and correct: Maria Lopez, the gorgon with snakes for hair; Senorita Aphrodite the whore of Babylon; and el Krakeno, a sort of big South American octopus with a bad attitude. Since this is a remake of the 1981 stop-motion plasticine classic (starring Wallace and Grommit as Zeus and Hades) we all know what happens at the very end  –  i.e. a giant singsong on mount Olympus, located at the heart of the Andes.  But suffice to say that the climactic final battle, populated by countless CGI Mexicans, a realistic chupacabras and employing some 900 million Inca extras, was so breathtaking I genuinely pebble-dashed my pants right in the middle of the cinema from sheer joy. Or at least I would have done had I gone to see it.

I give this film 12 tasks of Hercules.


Avatar (spoiler alert)

September 1, 2009

There I was, eagerly awaiting the postman, that evergreen Father Christmas, with his daily yield of treats from Amazon (not the website, the river – I’ve recently developed an interest in silt and ox-bow lakes). Any minute now, thought I, a parcel swollen with sediment samples and crocodiles’ fingernails will poke its eager head through the letterbox and into my welcoming arms. Verily, the samples and fingernails arrived, but an unexpected boon accompanied them: a letter designated for James Cameron. This was highly peculiar, as my (real) name shares no letters with his, and I live in the North of England whereas Cameron lives in Hollywood, Los Angeles, which is quite a way off from the land of deep-fried Mars Bars and whippet-grooming tournaments that I call my native province. Naturally I ripped open the envelope and read its contents. It appeared to be from Cameron’s father, Bill, and it detailed his thoughts on the upcoming science-fiction film, Avatar. I am sure that no one, least of all Bill or James, would object to me reproducing the letter in its entirety. Here you go then:

Dear Son,

You done good Jimmy, real good. You done a great little movie here. Your ma and I are real proud of you Jimmy. Real proud. I still don’t know how movies work even though you explained it to me already. I mean, how can there be blue people flying through the air on the screen when I’ve never seen it happen myself, not even in ’Nam? I saw a lot of bad stuff there Jimmy. Like that time when Rooker got elephantiasis of the balls in that brothel after that hooker gave him a rubber caked in evil Vietcong beeswax and his balls fell clean off and rolled under the pool table and the dog ate one of them and Rooker tried to kill himself but he only shot off one of his ears then Gomer said he’d got one ear to match his one remaining ball and everyone laughed even Rooker until he tried to shoot himself again. We saw some crazy stuff over there Jimmy. You should make it into a movie some time Jimmy. Jimmy. Jimmy son.

Seriously Jimmy, we never thought you’d grow up normal. You used to sit in your room drawing pictures of that alien you used to call Nerrbits. Old Nerrbits. Remember him Jimmy? All the boys at the club had normal sons who wore jockstraps and shouted ‘Beer-Bus!’ even when there weren’t any beer-buses around. But you sat in your room with Nerrbits.

Anyway Jimmy. This continuous prose business is for white-collar assholes. So here’s my thoughts on the film in bullet point form:

Worthington – great guy. Good glutes, solid guns. (He is based on me, isn’t he?)

Story – I got confused Jimmy. What happened?

Dialogue – I liked it when Worthington said ‘Ahhrrrerrrgh’ and pushed that girder off his stomach. Good dialogue.

Special effects – Real special Jimmy. You’re a special kid.

Credits – Why couldn’t your name be bigger on the credits? And why was it so fast. Old Cody Wilkinson said it went so quick he’s not even sure your name was on there. What an asshole.

Popcorn – Real delicious. How do you movie guys make it so delicious. Except for that Speilberg guy. His popcorn is WEAK and CHEWY. I went to see E. T. and I couldn’t even finish the popcorn. He shouldn’t be allowed to make films.

Well that’s all Jimmy. You done good son.